Esumi's crack fic corner

[✖єsumi✖]

Here I will be posting my crazy crack fics :'D

1st fic : The Piffin family mansion - Incident 1 "The disappearance of Dex"
"Deex!!" yelled a honey blond girl. "Where are you?!" she yelled out and looked around in the dungeon but he wasn't anywhere to be seen. The girl went up the stairs to the living room, she had a depressed aura around her. "What is it Esumi?" asked Steve who was chilling on the couch. "Ah Steve, Dex disappeared..." she said and fell on the couch. "Disappeared?" he asked and turned to her holding a bowl with chips in front of her nose. Esumi took some, and answered "I can't find him anywhere...I even brought a Bob cosplayer to find him but it didnt help" Steve sighed and patted her head "Why dont you go and ask the two crazy shippers who live in the tree house?" Esumi nodded and went out to the garden. She looked up to the tree house and rang the bell. Zani looked out of the window down to Esumi "ESUMII" she yelled and jumped down "ZAAAN-" Esumi's eyes widened as Zani felt down on her. Zani stood up and helped Esumi stand up. "So what brings you to me? The craziest shippe-" she was interuppter by Lurkers screaming "ESSUMII" she yelled and jumped down from the tree house on Esumi "Not again..." said Esumi as she was hit again. "So did you guys see Dex anywhere?" asked Esumi after she managed to get up again. The EST shook their head "Now that you mentioned it, we didn't...isn't he normally down in the dungeon?" they asked. "Yeah, but he wasn't there. m-maybe he decided to move out?! OMG What will I do if I moved out?! Who will I rant to?!" panicked Esumi, EST tried to calm her down but it didn't really help. "Why don't you go and ask Nano if she saw him?" suggested Lurker. "Yeah, I think I will go ask Nano-senpai. She should be in her sound proof room."

Esumi went up the stairs to the 2nd floor and knocked at Nano's door. Loud music was coming from the room 'THEY ARE TAKING THE HOBBITS TO ISENGARD - GARD GARD' "NANNO" yelled Esumi but Nano couldn't hear her in her sound proof room. Esumi went downstairs and borrowed a 'Piffin', she broke open the door with the 'Piffin'. Nano turned to her shocked, "Esumi?!" Nano yelled out confused. Esumi walked into the room and turned the music off "Stop listening to music so loud!" Esumi said "Anyway, did you see Dex around today?" Nano looked up and started thinking "Hm, I don't know. I saw him this morning I think." Esumi's eyes widened "Where did you see him?" Nano turned to her "He was talking with Piffin about something in the kitchen but I don't know where he went after that. Now can I please turn the music back o-" Esumi run out of the room down to the kitched looking for clues, but she didn't find anything, only a magazine and a newspaper. Esumi looked on the newspaper and saw that someone had underlined an apartement that was free to rent "SO HE DOES WANT TO MOVE OUT?!" said Esumi angry, Oino saw her as she was going down the stairs "What is it sweety?" Esumi run into her arms "Dex is moving out! Who am I going to rant to now? To who will I let my stress out?!" Oino patted her on the head "Why do you think that he is moving out?" asked her Oino, Esumi pointed at the newspaper. "Hm, but didn't piffin underline that? He said he wanted to find a home for Steve" Esumi blinked "What? WHAT? Steve won't move out either! He buys me chips!" Esumi decided to talk with Piffin about that later, now she first had to find Dex. The front door suddenly opened, Esumi's eyes widened as she saw Dex walk in. Esumi didn't know why but she was angry, she grabbed the cheese next to her and threw at him "Where have you been?!" she asked him. "Eh uhm, eh...you see, that Bob cosplayer, invited me to a Bob cosplay com..." Esumi blinked a few times "Bob...cosplay...com? Something like that exists? No wait, I dont even want to know." with that she went up to her room. "I blame the cheese...and Sting..."

[ZaniXD]

ROFL XDDDDDDD I LOVE YOUR FICS :"""DDD

DEXUMIIIIIIIII

[Nano]

Awesome.... But not the poor cheese

[✖єsumi✖]

Aww thanks Zani and Nano :'D

Papa wont approve of that :P

And cheese deservers it, cheese is evil >DD

[Piratenking]

Seems Piffin is an useful tool for everything XD

@CRAZY SHIPPER WHO LIVES IN OUR GARDEN

No shipping for my daughter!

[ZaniXD]

WE WILL SHIP YOU TOO PIFFIN!!!! XDDDDD

[Lurker.]

OMS OMS OMS OMS OMS OMS OMS OMS OSM I LOOVVVEEEE ITTTTT XXDDDD
DEXUMI <33

@Piraten: Everyone knows Piranon is canon XD The end.

[Guest]

Meh. Nano is too good for the likes of Piffins.

[✖єsumi✖]

Nano run down the stairs, her target where the xmas presents under the xmas tree. But she wasn't the only one after them, Nano turned to her right and saw Esumi crawling towards the living room. Nano had to sweat drop "Why are you crawling?" she whispered to Esumi, "...I dont know. I thought we were playing ninjas" she whispered back and stood up. She jumped on a table "Target ditected!" she said and pointed towards the presents. They both run towards them, for some reason everything seemed like a Matrix
Daaafuuuqq" said Esumi in slow motion. They reached the presents and everything turned back to normal. "What was that just now?" asked Esumi confused "I have absolutely no idea." there was a moment of silence before Nano and Esumi throw themselve on the presents "YES I GOT A BOOK! AND MORE BOOKS!" yelled Nano happy "And I got a...GOW 4!! YEES!" she said and jumped around happy. Suddenly they heard footsteps coming from the stairs. Nano and Esumi threw the opened presents behind the tree and hid behind the sofa. Nano and Esumi couldn't believe their eyes, it was...Santa!! Esumi and Nano turned to eachother and smiled evil, then they jumped over the sofa and hit the Santa unconscious with a PIFFIN. "Ne, Nano...why is Santa here when we already got our presents?" asked Esumi, Nano wondered about that too. "Maybe he delievered something wrong?" said Nano and walked over to the presents "But, everything has our names on it."

Santa slowly regained consciousness. "What the flying reindeer?" suddenly he was slapped by Esumi "Where are the cookies?!" she asked him and slapped him again "What cookies?!" he asked confused back only to be slaped again "Dont act like you dont know! I will ask you one more time where are the cookies?!" and she slaped him again "I dont know of any cookies and would you please stop slapi-" he was slapped again. "Esumi, the cookies are in the kitchen" said Nano and pulled Esumi away from the Santa. "Anyway...what do you want!" she said and slapped him "YOU TOO?!" yelled Santa as he was slapped again.

After a hour of slapping Santa finally had the chance to explain what he wanted. "So, you came here to capture the evil person who is trying to steal xmas??" asked Nano, Santa nodded "Excactly. Some days ago I was informed that someone had broken into my factory and stole something really important. It was a necklace with which you can control every children. But its forbidden to be used." he explained. "Then why does it even exist?" asked Nano a little confused "Dunno, a weird old granny gave it to me some years ago."

Suddenly an evil laugher could be heard from the kitchen. Nano and Santa hid behind the wall and looked into the kitchen. "Mwahahaha! Using this necklace I will be able to steel xmas! Santa doesn't even know the true powers of this necklace! Mwahahaha!" said Esumi and continued laughing evil. Santa and Nano looked at eachother and then back to Esumi. "What did we just see?" asked Santa, "We should probably act like we didnt see anything..." suggested Nano.

Santa and Nano fly to Isengard, while Esumi stole xmas. Until some guardians came and stole the necklace from her. Esumi then also went to Isengard were she Santa and Nano were having many Tea parties.

[ZaniXD]

LOL XDDDDDDDDDD
You should compile a book with all these short stories :"D

[Lurker.]

SOO AWWEESOMMMEE XDDDDD

[✖єsumi✖]

@Zani XD Maybe I really should P:

@Lurker Thanks XD

*shoots the evil cheese*

[✖єsumi✖]

Once upon a time, a young princess ruled a big kingdom called the nyan cow kingdom. Together with her loyal underling Piffin the talking muffin she made sure that the kingdom stayed safe. One day, while the Queen was reading Deadman wonderland, the kingdom got attacked by a huge nyan cow eating dragon. The dragon was feared all over the world. Its name was Bahamut. The dragon had destroyed many kingdoms and worlds already but it was thought that it was sealed away many years ago, but apparently they didn't do their job right. Anyway. The dragon ate many nyan cows and destroyed almost the whole kingdom. No one had a chance against the dragon not even the "really useful" muffin Piffin, Nano the princess ended up being kidnapped by the dragon, but luckily she was able to take the deadmen wonderland manga with her, which she was reading while she waited for rescue.
The talking Muffin took the chance to take over the kingdom, the kingdom was now ruled by Piffin. He even changed the name of the kingdom to "Great Messi Kingdom". Build hundreds of football arenas, a hug Messi statue, all in one day.
A young girl wearing knigt armor arrived the next day, she was non other then the royal guard of the princess. She walked around the capital city wondering where the hell she was. "According to the map, nyan cow kingdom should be here...but this place looks completely different". She looked up to the hug Messi statue wondering who that dude was, she grabbed a random person and asked if this were the nyancow kingdom. "No, this is the Great Messi kingdom. But yesterday it was still the Nyancow kingdom." said the person and walked away. The girl nodded "I see..." she grabbed a random person again "Let me guess. The Nyancow kingdom got attacked by Bahamut, the dragon took the princess and then Muffin guy took over the kingdom." the person looked at her with a WTF face and nodded before he slowly walked away. "Damn that muffin! I knew I should have stayed! Look what happens when I am not here" she said out loud and ignored the people around her. She run up to the palace. "Father!" yelled the girl and walked towards Piffin. "E-Esumi, h-how are you my daughter?" he said nervous. "I can't even leave you alone for three days without having you taking over the kingdom" Esumi yelled at him after that followed hours of nagging which ended with Piffin giving back the kingdom to princes Nano.
"So where did Bahamut take princess Nano?" asked Esumi, who was preparing for the rescue mission. "It took her to the abandoned kingdom next door" Esumi looked out of the window "Oh! Well...lets go then" she grabbed Piffin and threw him on a horse "W-wait I am coming too?!" Esumi nodded "Of course, I need someone to distract the dragon" she said and rode off to the kingdom next door. Lets skip the boring trip to the kingdom next door and go directly to the fight.
"So...how will we defeat the strongest dragon in the whole world?!" asked Piffin and looked up to Bahamut who was sleeping on top of a castle. "I have no idea..lets pull a spongebob and give it some Krabby pattys" said Esumi and opened her bag which was filled with hundrets of Krabby pattys, she grabbed Piffin and run up to castle. Bahamut sensed a presence and woke up, its loud growl made the ground shake. Esumi threw some bag with krabby pattys at it, but Bahamut ignored them and attacked her and Piffin "I told you it won't work! Aaah Messi save us!" cried Piffin and hid somewhere. "Well, then I just have to bea-" the tail of the dragon hit her and threw her towards Piffin "...Screw the that, lets just grab the princess and ...RUN!" she said and stood up "Piffn be usefull for once and distract it while I save the princess" she run off towards the princess, Piffin looked up to the pissed Bahamut, it let out a loud growl which made the ground shake. Piffin jumped up and started running around panicked, meanwhile Knight Esumi made it to the princess "I knew my Knight would appear. Just as Sheep said. though you are late" said the Princess "Yeah well, I had to deal with Piffin who had taken over the kingdom once again." she explained. Bahamut got tired of Piffins running around and ate him, but he didnt know that Piffin was poisonous so he died too. And thats how Bahamut fall, the kingdom and the princess were saved. And Piffin later came back as a nyancow. The End.

[Nano]

Essuuuumiiii, my knight in shining armour.

[Piratenking]

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